exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
