he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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