I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
