So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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