he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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