The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
