Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
