I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
