9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
