Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
