Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
