ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
