I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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