Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
