We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
