She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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