Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
