guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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