Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
