Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will be naked everywhere
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
