Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I die, sorry about rent.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
