May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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