I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
