first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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