Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
