I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
