Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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