i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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