tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
