he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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