I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
