1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
