if i can run in heels then i can drive
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
