I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
