i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
