I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
