I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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