Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
