I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
