question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
