Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
