watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
