There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
