I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
