remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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