I wannas sexs uuuuu
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
