dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
