I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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