I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is the high leading the old right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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