First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
