just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
