God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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