I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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