Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
